6/15/2006

Back to life, back to reality Yesterday, I went to a Weight Watchers meeting and got to see a favorite leader who doesn't do too many center meetings. She told us how she'd gained weight, how she lost it and why she wanted to do it. I'd heard her story before, but it was still very motivating even though it made me sad a little. She did the work and now she's at her goal and is making herself stay there. In January 2000, I decided I'd had enough of feeling huge and being sedentary and wanted to do something about it. I'd never really dieted before and really never paid attention to what I ate. Now that I think back to college especially, David and I did some really bad eating. We just weren't aware that there were so much better ways to do things. He stayed thin, but I just kept gaining and gaining. And gaining. Enough. In 2000, I started doing things differently. I didn't skip breakfast, I ate smaller meals and for the first time in my life, I drank water. David and I were both working days back then so we'd walk after work or I'd do an exercise video while he made dinner. I also had a new rule of no seconds unless it was vegetables. Time passed, we moved to a new city, had new jobs. I kept working and working at it and by 2002, I'd lost almost 100 pounds. I'm not sure what happened after that. I kept it off for a while. Then it started creeping back. I've regained a good portion of it. But not all of it. Still, I'm mad and sad and all those things. It happens to almost everyone who goes through this. But I said it wasn't going to happen to me. And then. It did. Because I let it. Now I'm pretty sure my recent malaise has something to do with this. Other than disliking the hours that I work, I really don't hate my job -- I know it doesn't sound that way, but it's true. It's just work. It's tough and every day is a challenge. But i think if I had a mindless job, I'd be even more unhappy. A friend suggested yesterday that maybe I needed to find something outside of work to make me happy. Personal enrichment, he called it. For him, it was training for and completing a marathon. (Now let's not get too crazy -- that's never been something I wanted to do and would not be enjoyable to me. But you get the point.) After I thought about it, I decided I need to finish this journey I started. I got going and then never reached the end. I want to see what the other side of the mountain looks like. Although, I'm not sure that's the best metaphor because I thought losing the weight was pretty easy, keeping it off was the bear. So I guess once you go up the mountain, you really have to stay there. I'm about halfway down the mountain again. But that's OK because I'm about to dust off my gear and hook my climbing tools back into the rocks. Someone must have been looking out for me yesterday. After the great meeting, then BTV saying I needed to figure out what I wanted from life other than work, I stopped at Barnes & Noble to get some coffee and read magazines. I picked up an issue of Self called Self Dishes with a lot of cool recipes and menu plans in it. One of the plans is called a detox plan. It had photos and recipes and every day worked out for me. So I'm going to do that for a seven days. (More or less. I'll make some modifications here and there. Maybe I'll try to scan it or photograph it and post it.) So while I'm waiting for my chicken breast to bake (which I'll have with a salad of romaine, mushrooms and 1 tb of Caesar dressing), I'm making this promise to myself -- and to you if you're still there -- I'm going to stop sitting around watching other people climb the mountain and I'm going to do join them. It won't be easy and I know there will be days when I want to quit and buy a pint of Ben & Jerry's. But I hope I'll remember that I don't need to eat the whole container. Oh yeah and that I need to finish this thing I started. For me.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Maliavale said...

Jasclo. Seriously, I am tearing up a little bit. I am so proud of you for committing to this! You can do it; I know it. Rah rah rah! Rock on, girl.

6/15/2006 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Genevieve said...

I'm very impressed. Seriously, that is a tough thing to decide to do. Keep us posted...

6/15/2006 01:20:00 PM  
Blogger Jasclo said...

Thanks, girls. I'm not giving up. :)

6/15/2006 01:34:00 PM  
Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

Jas, I'm trying to get over that mountain, too - so if you need a cheerleader or just someone to empathize, I'm your girl. :) GO YOU. Rock on with your bad self!

6/15/2006 04:03:00 PM  
Anonymous nabbalicious said...

You can do it, girl! I'll help you out in any way I can, even if it's just to listen!

6/17/2006 01:13:00 PM  

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