A letter Dear Squirrely T. Brushtail, My mom said you may have clawed your way onto our screened porch looking for food. She said maybe I could throw some bird seed onto the snow in the backyard and then you wouldn't be so hungry. So I figured I'd buy some birdseed for you. But my friend, Nabbalicious, said "NO. DO NOT FEED THE SQUIRREL." Then she told me about someone we know who fed a squirrel (you probably don't know him. He lives miles from here) and it started scratching at her window. We wouldn't want to start something like that, S.T.J. Because that would just freak me out. And the cats... the cats would be basketcases trying to get to you. They want to eat you. You know that, right? Anyway, S.T. -- do you mind if I call you S.T.? -- sorry, but I guess you won't be getting any food from me. I feel bad, really I do. But Nabbalicious said that if you're a good squirrel, you should have some kind of food reserve. Did you just move here? If that's the case, maybe we can talk. I'd be happy to leave you some food, say somewhere way down the street? OK, I have to get going now. It was nice talking to you. Oh, and by the way, thanks for not eating through our recycling bin to get back onto the porch. We really appreciate it, S.T. Sincerely, Jasclo