I am the eggman, I am the walrus. No wait. I am the cheese snob, Part I Ever since I was a kid, I've liked cheese. Yeah, that's no big surprise. Everyone likes cheese, right? Well, almost everyone. But there's something else. I've only liked the good cheese. And for me as kid, that meant Kraft singles. Not that Borden crap my mom used to bring home from the grocery store. Oh she'd try to fool me. The Borden was cheap, see, which is why she bought it. She was a single parent and we didn't have a lot of money. And god bless her, she'd try to fool me into thinking it was Kraft. But no, no. There was no fooling me. How'd she try, you wonder? Well, she'd take the package wrapper off the slices and just stack the slices in the butter compartment. I know we "argued" about this all the time. Oh, I could tell the difference. While the Kraft was made with milk, the Borden was made with vegetable oil and it kind of broke when you tried to fold it. The Kraft, it would kind of bend and then slowly give into the fold. Then of course, there was the taste. I really can't recall it now, but I know it wasn't good. It wasn't up to Kraft standards. You can imagine my surprise and mock annoyance when a couple months ago, my mom called. A conversation similar to this ensued. Her: Whatcha doin'? Me: Making dinner. Her: Whatcha makin'? Me: Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Her: Oh, you should try the Kraft 2% sharp cheddar slices. Those make really good grilled cheeses. Me: Oh sure. NOW you buy the Kraft cheese. All those years I hounded and hounded you about it and NOW you buy the good stuff. Thanks a lot, mom. Her: [laughter] So we bought some. And we liked it. I've been buying it for a while now. But I ran into a bit of a snag a few weeks ago on a shopping trip. I couldn't find it. But I did see that Borden had a similar product. I stared at it and stared at it. And reached out to pick it up. Surely they have to be better than they used to be? I got about an inch from the touching the package and jerked my hand back. All I could think of was me as a kid/teenager living at home saying, "Mom! This is BORDEN cheese! GOD." Now how could I actually buy that? I just couldn't do it. There will be no Borden cheese in my house. Ever. Ehhhhhvaaaahhhh! But wouldn't it be funny if my mom came to visit and that's what I had? Borden cheese. I think she would die. Stay tuned for Part II. Because oh yes, there's more.