I know you want seconds on the corn dogs, but there's no reason to shout. Everybody gets enough food down here in Lunch Lady Land. I was reading this article about school lunches and it reminded me of steak and cheese sandwiches from high school. Oh. Yum. My friend Shelley used mix up ketchup and mayo to dip her sandwich into. It looked really gross and everyone at the table complained. I can still see that orangy mess and hear her telling people to shut up while she concocted it. Other things I remember about school lunches: • I don't think I ever ate lunch in 8th grade. I skipped it every day. And maybe in 9th grade too. But by 10th grade, I guess that had gotten old because I remember eating it. • People used to complain about the cheeseburgers because I guess they were beef and soybean. I loved em. I miss em. • My friend Julie was known for getting sour milk. Then after she swallowed a big gulp of it (or spit it back into the carton, I guess), she'd take a big gulp of mine (which was always chocolate). I wonder if that still happens to her. • The lunch I hated most: sloppy joe • The lunch I miss once in a blue moon: a slice of "turkey" on white bread covered with gravy with a side of mashed taters and gravy. Mmm Mmm. Welcome to the South, darlin. Things I remember about lunch that don't have anything to do with food: • Those long tables with the little individual seats. • If there were little toggles on each end of my purse strap, my friend Julie would unclasp one, put it through a bracket on the table then clasp the strap back in place. Her goal was to get me to try to pick up my purse to leave and then jerk back when it wouldn't go anywhere. Surprisingly, we're still friends today. • Everyone had designated tables in high school of course. I was medium-high on the popularity scale. B list, I'd say. (Yeah, I don't know how that happened either.) I don't remember everyone who sat there. But mostly, it was Shelley (the athlete), Donna (who was pregnant our senior year and told no one until the very end!), Julie (the girl every guy had a crush on), Michael (I think anyway. I haven't seen this guy in years. He got married in Scotland. This I know because I found photos on the Web) and me (I have no idea what to put in parens about myself, so I'll go with nothing). • Mostly, I remember Adam Sandler's Lunch Lady Land song from SNL: Well, ah, dreamt one mornin' That I woke up to see All the pepperoni pizza Was a-lookin' at me. It screamed, "Why do you Burn me and serve me up cold?" I said, "I got the spatula, Just do what you're told." Then the liver and onions Started joinin' the fight And the chocolate pudding Pushed me with all its might And the chop juey slapped me And it kicked me in the head. "It's called revenge, Lunch Lady," Said the garlic bread.