What? A polar bear? And no twine, you say? Have you ever noticed when you go into a store or, say, the post office and you know what you need and it'll take 5 minutes to ask for, receive, pay for what you need and get the hell out of there that there's always the most annoying person in front of you and he (or she -- I'm no sexist. Stupid people come in both sexes.) has the most complicated situation on the planet? Evidence: David lost one of the nosepieces off his glasses. So we decided to go to Wal-Mart to get some new ones -- because Wal-Mart, as much as I hate the place, does have just about eveything in the world (that's made in China or Taiwan, anyway). So we needed some groceries. So we weave in, out and around people -- including the woman who hogged the yogurt case -- to get the groceries we need (P.S. Does ANYONE have diet root beer? Is that too much to ask for?), then get in a line. (Let's face it, any line I get in? The Slowest Line in the World.) We're in line and realize we hadn't accomplished the main event of the visit. The nose pieces. So there's discussion. He doesn't want to leave me in line alone to handle all the groceries. Do I want to take his glasses over and he'll come when the groceries are bagged and paid for? But then you won't be able to see because I'll have your glasses. (Congenial) eyeroll. (Toss a bag of Peanut M&Ms onto the conveyor belt. Oh, and a Payday.) The groceries are totaled up and bagged. We go over to the "Vision Center." We need a nose piece replaced. That take five minutes. There's a guy there (because there always is). He wants glasses. No wait, contacts. No wait. Both. The Vision Center Worker explains that insurance will let you choose only one. You can't have both covered. Ooooh, well, how about I buy the glasses and pay for the contacts. Two boxes. No wait! I stopped listening to them. But I found what we needed hanging on the wall. So I went and grabbed one, walked back to our cart full of groceries, which we were standing beside and handed David the package. Then the Vision Center Worker tells us he'll be a few minutes. No kidding. But he would fit us in while he was waiting for something blah, blah blah about the other guy's glasses/contacts/screwdrivers in the eye order. Then. While we're standing next to our cart packed with bagged groceries, he says, "You guys could do your shopping and then come back." Hello. Cart. Full. Of. Groceries. That's when David started quoting Rollins. You know the Henry Rollins' routine "Big Knowledge" on The Boxed Life CD? If not, you should. It's just like what I just explained. Only different. "Sometimes when you're sitting on a park bench, you know you're the smartest person on Earth. It's that contempt you get when you're at the post office and you're standing in line and you know what you need. Like five stamps, two postcards, wham bam, let me up there now. Before these people are done picking their noses, I'm outta there. But everyone in front of you is moving in this "Ummm." Like they're trying to send a polar bear but they didn't bring any twine. ... You just want the floor to open up and woosh, GONE."